Men's Options
A Supportive Partner's Guide to Unexpected PregnancyYou might be asking yourself...
Excited, Scared, Nervous!?
Is that normal? What am I doing?
Unprepared and Overwhelmed!?
What do I know about being a dad? Where do I even start?
Afford a Baby!?
Between rent, gas, and bills, how can I afford to have a baby right now?
These are perfectly valid questions and feelings to big news, and you aren’t alone on this journey.
Going Forward...
Can I have a baby and still live my life?
Some people might claim that a baby will stop you from achieving your dreams, but the truth is that some of the best milestones in life come from unplanned changes. Looking back at previous roadblocks you have successfully overcome can remind you of your resilience, and with the right support, you can continue to live a complete and happy life, even if it looks a little different than originally intended.
Does my opinion matter?
Open and honest communication with your partner is the most important discussion you can have right now. Expressing your thoughts and asking about her feelings prevents her from having to face this monumental choice entirely alone. If you wish to continue the pregnancy, be straightforward, show her you care, and communicate your commitment to your child. The choices made now will impact the rest of your lives, making it vital to seek outside advice and support from individuals who care about you.
Should I be concerned about abortion?
Abortion is not a simple medical procedure and can result in life-changing emotional and spiritual consequences for men. Many men who have struggled after a past abortion express that they wish someone had shared all of the facts with them beforehand.
Understanding the Basics
How Pregnancy Begins:
Understanding how a woman’s body works at the start of pregnancy is essential. In a typical 28-day menstrual cycle, a woman’s most fertile window occurs during the days leading up to and including ovulation, which usually happens around day 14. An egg remains viable for fertilization for 24 hours, but sperm can live inside a woman’s body for 3 to 4 days.
Conception and Implantation:
During fertilization, the egg and sperm unite to create a genetically unique individual whose gender, hair, and eye color are already established. The embryo then travels from the fallopian tube to implant in the uterus about one week later, triggering the production of pregnancy hormones that home tests detect.
Common Symptoms:
While physical symptoms vary from person to person, early pregnancy is commonly associated with a missed period, occasional nausea, tender breasts, unusual fatigue, frequent urination, and increased mood swings.
First Trimester Milestones:
At the moment of fertilization (Day 1), the baby’s unique human features, including sex, hair, and eye color, are completely determined. Just 22 days after fertilization (around 6 weeks LMP), the baby’s heart begins pumping, and its motion can be clearly seen on an ultrasound. By 8 weeks LMP, the embryo makes spontaneous movements and exhibits early brain waves. Distinct fingers form and hiccups begin by 9.5 weeks, unique fingerprints develop by 12 weeks, and research supports that pre-born babies can experience pain by 15 weeks LMP.
Second and Third Trimesters:
Gender-specific behavioral differences can be observed by 18 weeks LMP. By 22 weeks LMP, the baby’s inner ear is fully developed, meaning they can respond to sounds and begin hearing your voice. The six-month mark represents the age of viability, where survival outside the womb becomes possible. In the final stages, the fetus can produce tears, gains weight rapidly, and reaches full term at 9 months, ready to be born.
Questions About Abortion
Q: Should I be concerned about my partner having an abortion?
Abortion is not a simple medical procedure for anyone involved. For some men, it is a life-changing event with significant emotional and spiritual consequences. Some men who struggle with past abortions say that they wish someone had told them all of the facts about abortion beforehand.
Q: Does my opinion even matter?
Open communication with your partner is the single most vital conversation you will hold. Share your thoughts and emotions freely, and actively invite her to express hers as well. Even if you believe you understand her perspective, her actual feelings might surprise you. While opening up can feel daunting, having this dialogue is crucial. Keeping your desires regarding the pregnancy to yourself forces her to navigate the decision entirely alone.
Be honest about your feeling and ask meaningful questions. Remember that the outcome of this choice carries lifelong significance.
If she is pushing for an abortion, clearly lay out every reason you want to continue the pregnancy. Be straightforward, demonstrate your genuine care, and let her know your commitment to your child. Major life choices require a strong support network of trusted people. For her, you are the primary source of support, and you can also lean on outside resources for guidance and encouragement.
Q: What are the risks of abortion for her?
Potential risks for women who have an abortion typically depend on the type of procedure performed. Some risks may include potential psychological trauma, undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy, failed or incomplete abortion, infection, bleeding & hemorrhaging, unknowingly aborting a pregnancy that was destined to end in miscarriage, and Rh sensitization. It’s important to get all of the facts and know what to expect before scheduling a procedure. The staff at Grace Place Family Health Center can help you and your partner by answering your questions and providing you with all of the information first.
Q: What are the risks of abortion for me?
Men who participated in an abortion may experience a range of reactions, emotions, and behaviors. After the initial relief, many men often experience persistent feelings of sadness, grief, anger, anxiety, powerlessness, guilt, and even symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress disorder.
Men who have experienced a partner’s abortion may struggle with:
- Anger,
- Anxiety,
- Depression,
- Feelings of failure,
- Feeling powerless,
- Grief,
- Relationship problems.
Q: Why is an ultrasound a vital step?
It confirms that the pregnancy is living and safely situated inside the uterus. With your partner’s permission, being present for the ultrasound allows you to witness the pregnancy you helped create and provide a supportive physical presence for her.
An ultrasound is also necessary to rule out severe health complications.
A significant number of early pregnancies end naturally in miscarriage, which would mean an abortion decision is unnecessary. Furthermore, an ultrasound checks for an ectopic pregnancy, where the embryo grows outside the uterus. Ectopic pregnancies require early diagnosis to prevent severe medical complications and risks to the mother’s life.
What an ultrasound checks
-
Verifies a Heartbeat:
It confirms that a pregnancy is viable, and that the baby has a heartbeat. A significant number of pregnancies end in natural miscarriage, which is why confirming viability is an important first step. -
Verifies Uterine Location:
It confirms that the pregnancy is inside the uterus rather than being ectopic. Ectopic pregnancies pose a severe risk of internal bleeding and maternal death if not caught early. -
Estimates Gestational Age:
Knowing exactly how many weeks pregnant she is determines which specific options are available and shows how much time you have to discuss your options. -
Evaluates Long-Term Impact:
The evaluation offers clear education on procedures and risks. Because an abortion decision can deeply impact men emotionally, relationally, physically, and spiritually, walking through these facts together helps couples navigate potential consequences.
Q: Is there support for me if my partner already had an abortion?
Yes, Grace Place Family Health Center offers a confidential, non-judgmental Abortion Recovery Program designed to help both women and men find healing, freedom, and restoration following an abortion.
Understanding the Father's Legal Rights, Duties, & Responsibilities
Establishing Paternity
Naming the Father:
A mother usually has the option to leave the father’s name off the birth certificate by stating “Unknown” or “Refused to State”. However, doing so will not prevent the father from bringing a paternity action to establish his legal rights and amend the certificate.
Legal Benefits:
Officially adding the father’s name can legally benefit the child, particularly regarding inheritance rights and social security benefits. Note that some jurisdictions require an Acknowledgement of Paternity to be signed before his name officially appears.
Child Support & Welfare
Public Assistance Requirements:
To receive public assistance, a mother may be required to provide authorities with the father’s name and last known address so the state can seek child support reimbursement. Refusing to cooperate can make her ineligible for these benefits.
Starting an Action:
A paternity action can be initiated before the child is born to establish the relationship, child support, and a visitation schedule. Testing can be performed via blood, cheek swab, or umbilical cord, but a reputable laboratory must be used for the results to be admissible in court.
Voluntary Declarations:
A father can voluntarily sign a “Declaration of Paternity” at birthing facilities or district attorneys’ offices. This establishes a presumption of paternity and forms the legal basis for a child support order. Local district attorneys, probation offices, or private attorneys can assist with this process.
Support vs. Visitation Rights
Independent Duties:
Child support and visitation are independent rights of the child and are completely non-contingent upon each other.
Strict Separations:
A custodial parent cannot stop visitation if the father is delinquent on child support payments. Likewise, a non-custodial parent must continue paying court-ordered child support even if he chooses to stop visiting the child.
Standard Orders:
Courts generally issue a visitation order at the same time child support is established. A mother should expect the father to be awarded visitation rights unless a court determines it is not in the child’s best interests.